IELTS – Ejemplo de un ensayo de banda 6 con correcciones que lo mejoran y lo llevan a banda 7.

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Next, the 6-6.5 essay:

Nowadays, money is one of the most significant materials in our lives. To many people, it is appropriate to marry for money rather than love. However, I believe that both love and money should be bounce together in any marriages.Certainly, money is an important part in our lives. It is hard for any persons to accept a partner which does not have money or at least a job to take care of future family. Hence, said “marry for money” (#5) also has its right in some extent.

However, love should be the root of any marriages. Firstly, it is because love is such a glue to connect two persons which have their own lives, become one. So, they can share each other’s the sadness, happiness to overcome any difficulties in daily lives. Moreover, love makes people growing up because they do not only have responsibility to themselves, but also to their partners as well. That is why marrying with love is always encouraged.

In my opinion, I think that both love and money is both necessary. Marriage relying on money would be rapidly disintegrated when unfortunately the money is run out. In contrary, marriage relying on love would sometimes come to end when they could not earn money to carry out family, such as paying bills, buying food, etc. Therefore, love and money should stand together in marriage even though their contribution could be unbalanced.

As we have seen, marriage without either money or love would come to an unhappy ending. So I believe that they both have their own contribution to a merry family.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy Analysis: Although the essay is quite easy to follow, it has too many grammatical errors in too many sentences to merit a 7 score. The range of grammatical constructions used seems quite good.
Approximate score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6 or 6.5.

Improving the Sample Essay to Achieve an IELTS Band 7

The same essay now at around a Band 7 level might look something like this. Read it carefully and compare it with the original:

Nowadays, money is one of the most significant materials in our lives. To many people, it is appropriate to marry for money rather than love. However, I believe that both love and money should be combined in any marriage.Certainly, money plays an important part in our lives. It is hard for any persons to accept a partner who does not have money or at least a job to take care of their future family. Hence, it is said, “marry for money” is right in some extent.

However, love should be the root of any marriage. Firstly, it is because love is such a strong bond between two persons who have their own lives, and become one. So, they can share each other’s sadness, happiness to overcome any difficulties in their daily lives. Moreover, love makes people grow up because they do not only have responsibility to themselves, but also to their partners as well. That is why marrying for love is always encouraged.

In my opinion, I think that love and money are both necessary. A marriage relying on money would rapidly disintegrate when unfortunately the money ran out. In contrary, a marriage relying on love would sometimes come to end when they could not earn money to carry out family duties such as paying bills, buying food, etc. Therefore, love and money should stand together in marriage even though their contribution could be unbalanced.

As we have seen, marriage without either money or love would come to an unhappy end. So I believe that they both make their own contribution to a merry family.

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